CCMCD
Centre for the Control of Mauve Cow Disease
Welcome to the CCMCD. We are a non-profit organisation dedicated the ultimate eradication of Mauve Cow Disease. The CCMCD was formed in the Fall of 1997, subsequent to a severe outbreak of Mauve Cow Disease (MCD) in the public rooms at Elvetham Hall near Hook, in Hampshire, UK.
Despite our diligent efforts, MCD has now spread to the North American Colonies, with sporadic, localised outbreaks having been observed in Northern Virginia and Southern California.
The root cause of MCD has yet to be isolated; however, it has been observed that the symptoms are more pronounced when the following external stimuli are present:
- Glass Ceilings
- Rancid Paté
- Redundant Leprechauns
- Free Food of Any Sort
- Very Tall Persons from the North American Colonies
- Corporate Executives, both Perceived and Real
- Amber-Coloured Objects.
The animated graphic on the left illustrates the progressive nature of MCD. As shown in the graphic, the earliest symptom is a mauve tinge to the eyes. This is followed by the appearance of increasingly dense mauve spots, culminating in a totally mauve cow as MCD reaches its final stage. It takes approximately 36 months for MCD to reach the "all-mauve" state. It is recommended that you examine all of your cows on a weekly basis for MCD. Early diagnosis and treatment will save you many hours of listening to the incessant raving that occurs as the MCD enters its latter stages. Some early treatments that have shown moderate success rates are:
- Paint all glass ceilings black...this minimises the ravings.
- Paté-free diet...tell the cow its really beef liver.
- Teach the cow to say "Leprechauns are not redundant."
- No free food...make the cow pay for both lunch and dinner.
- Show the cow pictures of very tall colonists. Whilst showing the picture, chant "Yanks are good, Yanks are good, Yanks are good, ....
- Bar all communications with corporate executives and those who may be mistaken as such. This includes both verbal and written communications.
- When the cow detects any amber-coloured object, say "Wrong, its really yellow!"
If you are unfortunate enough to have a cow that has already reached the "all-mauve" state, there is an experimental treatment that can be applied. Buy the cow a hardhat similar to those worn by construction workers. Whilst this is not a cure, it will give the cow a false sense of importance and will raise its self-esteem to the point where the raving will become less noticeable.