hr's list

The List - 2010 to Present

2010
  1. Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. (Benjamin Disraeli)
  2. Those who live in glass houses should refrain from building rock gardens in their front yards.
  3. You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. (Frank Zappa)
  4. All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. (Homer Simpson)
  5. Don't let the doorknob hit you where the dog should have bit you. (Michael Wilbon)
  6. If you don't like the drumbeat here, you can always look for a different band to march with! (apologies to Henry David Thoreau )
  7. Many have a reputation that precedes them, but only a few have a reputation that succeeds them.
  8. When disagreement becomes unacceptable, communication ends and propaganda begins. (Paul Delbar)
  9. Adhering to the four freedoms associated with the GPL does not require a vow of poverty.
2011
  1. Should the anti-social among us be banned from joining social networks?
  2. Those who live in the past are the pawns of those who live in the moment.
  3. We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. (Albert Einstein)
  4. When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. (Maslow)
  5. Why reinvent the wheel? Because we don't like the person who invented it. (Jen Kramer)
2012
  1. If your dreams don't scare you, they are not big enough. (Dries Buytaert)
  2. I'm so glad I have a spork. It goes with my collection of other novelty items. You know, my rubber ducky, my beanie hat with a propeller, and my chattering wind-up teeth. (Owen Fagerli)
  3. If you find yourself without your spork, in an emergency, visit a KFC. They have lots of black plastic sporks.  I know.  I used to grab 5-6 every time I went there. (Owen Fagerli)
  4. Change ain't lookin' for friends. Change calls the tune we dance to. (Ian McShane as the character Al Swearengen in HBO Series Deadwood, Episode 26)
  5. That's a clown question bro. (Bryce Harper)
  6. If good things come to those who wait, are procrastinators set for life? (Tweet by George Mason U, 17 September 2012)
2013
  1. Yet one more time our fearless leaders played a game of "Kick the Can" and it ended in a tie at the edge of the Fiscal Cliff.
  2. Sorry kids we cook EVERYTHING in the sauerkraut today. You're lucky dessert ain't in there too!  (Tweet by @Pittsburgh_Dad, 01 January 2013)
  3. Think like a gardener; work like a carpenter. (Jim Larranaga)
  4. The older you get, the more important it is to not act your age. (Ashley Brilliant)
2014
  1. Redskins fans deserve a better result.... (Owner Dan Snyder on their 3-13 2013 season)
  2. I think Denver forgot why they were there. (comment on Superbowl XLVIII results by William Hill)
  3. Friends: You have life long ones, you have passing through ones and you have those that hang around while there is something in it for them. Once they have what they want they are hardly seen again! (Wayne Kline, CSC).
  4. You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. (Arlo Guthrie)
  5. Life is much easier when you choose to treat people as acquaintances rather than friends.

The List - 2000 through 2009

2000
  1. Y2K was a wimp.
2001
  1. To think "out of the box," one has to able to first ascertain what is in the box.
  2. Never start a presentation with the numbers!
  3. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
  4. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
  5. Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have any film.
  6. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
  7. People lost in thought may be in unfamiliar territory.
  8. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  9. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  10. Light travels faster than sound.  This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  11. Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
  12. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
  13. Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
  14. Networking 101... Nothing in life or networks is ever 100% available...no matter how much you pay for it.
2002
  1. As you near the end of a long and somewhat mediocre career, you begin to realize that mediocrity is not all that bad.
  2. In the 1960's, it was "Where Have all the Flowers Gone?"  Now its "Where Have all the Dot.Coms Gone?"
  3. There is no subsititute for common sense.
  4. Some call a spade a spade; some call a spade a shovel.
  5. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  6. Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
  7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  8. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  9. OK, what's the speed of dark?
  10. Half the people you know are below average.
  11. What do you do when you find out all your silver bullets are tarnished?
  12. Is it really a compliment to be told you are "as sharp as a marble?"
  13. If you need a helping hand, use the one at the end of your own arm.
  14. Work expands to fit the size of your cubical.
2003
  1. If you can't stand the heat, don't start a fire.
  2. The wealthy are all one color...Green!
  3. If you understand everything, you must be misinformed.
  4. Be a Loof...the world already has too many Lerts!
  5. Many are callled, few are chosen, fewer still get to do the choosing.
2004
  1. Politicians call it "Outsourcing;" guess it doesn't sound as ominous as "Off-Shoring."
  2. You're just a lost ball in the high weeds. (from the movie "Bad Day at Black Rock")
2005
  1. Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
  2. Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  3. O'brien's Variation Law: If you change lines, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
  4. Bell's Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  5. Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  6. Willoughby's Law: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  7. Zadra's Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  8. Breda's Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
  9. Colpermin's Law: Body will release gas from the back end, only the when the elevator is crowded and everybody is absolutely silent.
  10. There are 10 types of people in this world.  Those that understand binary and those that don't.
  11. The grass may be greener on the other side...but you still have to mow it.
2006
  1. You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
  2. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
  3. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.  A tax is a fine for doing well.
  4. When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
  5. Great minds think alike...and as one comes to realize over the years, so do small ones.
  6. Too bad you have to go to the great beyond to find out whether your religion was the right one.
  7. Healing takes time, but you can rip a scab off in seconds.
  8. Evil is everywhere - including right inside of all of us.
  9. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
2007
  1. Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
2008
  1. The bigger the lie, the more they believe. (HBO Series The Wire - Season 5, Episode 1)
  2. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
  3. The average dog is nicer than the average person. (Andy Rooney)
  4. It isn't the rebels who cause the troubles of the world.  It's the troubles that cause the rebels.(Carl Oglesby)
  5. It is no longer politically correct to refer to lipstick and pigs in the same sentence.  I wonder if the same holds true for lip gloss and pigs?
  6. Cost of Living Now Outweighs Benefits (from the Onion as quoted in Washington Post Magazine, 16 November 2008).
2009
  1. Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world. (Jack Nicholson)
  2. Many things are trivial if someone else does them. (Earl Miles, aka merlinofchaos)
  3. We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe... (Stephen Hawking)
  4. I just had a baby.  It would be like throwing a hot-dog down a hallway. (Nancy Botwin, character on Weeds, Season 5, Episode 10)

The List - 1990 through 1999

1990
  1. Stupidity is inversely proportional to one's distance from its source.
  2. When the Chief Technologist resigns, there is no longer a need for donuts at the weekly staff meeting.
  3. When all is said and done, there are some who feel obligated to say it once again.
  4. If you have an idea, tell someone before it dies of loneliness.
  5. Just when you think a model is working, someone who has never used the model decides it will never work and must be fixed.
1991
  1. The caretakers always get the credit for successes.
  2. Epiphanies are rare; Sound and Light Shows are quite common.
  3. Micro-management fosters entropy.
  4. Unfortunately, style overcomes substance in most cases.
  5. Mismanagement is better than no management.
  6. No management is better than "Monte Carlo" Management.
  7. One must be careful not to confuse "Matrix Management" with "Maze Management."
  8. Its extremely difficult to describe the forest to those who are felling the trees as you speak.
  9. When you say the wrong thing, always make sure you say it the right way.
  10. Nothing is important.
  11. When you lie down with swine, you end up on a plate with an apple in your mouth.
  12. It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.
  13. When its time to find a solution, one must shift from the heights of theory to the gutters of reality.
1992
  1. Conformity impedes creativity.
  2. TQM initiatives succeed, if, and only if, accompanied by TQL.
  3. Never have so many been so confused.
  4. If God had meant for storyboards to document network architecture and design, he would have ensured that engineers knew how to express themselves using clear and lucid English.
  5. When in doubt, sign up another team member.
  6. When really in doubt, put the blame on the team members for all that has left the team.
  7. When you shoot from the hip, you usually end up blowing your own foot off.
  8. Federal Government RFPs without amendments are on the endangered species list.
  9. All good decisions are eventually overturned; all bad decisions are kept forever.
  10. If you write it, they won't understand it. If they write it, you won't like it.
  11. Proposal efforts need "benevolent dictators," not "empowered teams."
  12. Those who fear failure are experts at revisionist history.
1993
  1. Prior to proposal submission, there are certain things such as the system design that are declared to be "good enough;" and not worthy of additional effort. Unfortunately, these things are never quite "good enough" and always have to be redone in 5 days or less during the post-submission effort.
  2. The only things dumber than a box of rocks are the indvidual rocks in the box.
  3. When in doubt, pass out plaques.
  4. Never show an academic a bit error rate calculation.
  5. Never leave two academics alone in the same room to assess the worthiness of anything. They will make all the wrong assumptions, insist that you do the analysis based on these invalid assumptions, state your analysis is flawed, and send you an invoice for services rendered.
  6. Never give an academic your Internet mail address.
  7. The larger the font, the longer the letter.
  8. When the going gets tough, the vague seek advice from the perplexed.
  9. Don't confuse those who "achieve" with those who "produce."
  10. Always leap before you look.
  11. Experts are common; expertise is rare.
  12. He doesn't know what he doesn't know.
  13. Name droppings have much the same effect on the "dropee" as bird droppings.
  14. If you yearn to be a successful architect, you better make sure you don't alienate the carpenters.
1994
  1. Greed overcomes indifference.
1995
  1. It isn't what you know, its what you say you know.
  2. Old yuppies never die - they just buy different German cars.
  3. Most people are educated beyond their means.
1996
  1. I make far too much money to cater to your whims.
1997
  1. If its Tuesday, I must be in Belgium.
  2. Contrary to popular belief, those whose wardrobe consists of dark suits and white shirts also put their pants on one leg at a time.
  3. Frequent flyer miles are like money. The more you have the more you want.
  4. Carry-on luggage really isn't.
  5. The best English Pubs are operated by Australians.
  6. The real "Year 2000" problem is yet to be defined. Wer won't know what it really is until we get there.
  7. Using the the term "It's Year 2000 Compliant" is yet another way of saying "It might work...guess we'll have to wait and see how this all works out."
1998
  1. He doesn't know what he doesn't know.
  2. We're not the Team! They are. We're just equipment. They just depreciate us. (Nick Nolte, Dallas North Forty)
  3. Victims World View - "It's all your fault."
  4. Fatherless - Jobless - Remorseless - Hopeless...a resume.
  5. "I don't know" is sometimes stated as "My thought processes were...."
  6. There really are some pictures that are worth a lot less than a thousand words.
  7. There's always someone ahead of you in the "Dumb Line."
  8. When ignorance is bliss, to be wise is a folly.
  9. "That's what I really meant to convey" is another way of saying: "I wish I would have thought of that!"
1999
  1. If you carry a big stick, make sure you don't poke yourself in the eye with it.
  2. For some people, you can almost always say: "He brings it on himself" and be right at least 99.9 percent of the time.
  3. Life is a journey, not a guided tour.

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